Under Pressure

Week 4 of training just came to an end.  I missed another run due to work and other things in the way, but managed to complete the “long run” of 5.5 miles yesterday.  

 

The past two weeks have left me feeling extremely defeated.  The weather has been more humid than normal for SoCal, making running harder due to slight asthma, and workouts miserable in a top floor exercise studio.  Ocean breeze?  What ocean breeze?

 

I often feel like I’m climbing an uphill battle without this weather:  I still can’t manage to align my feet correctly for the corrective exercises – which means more supervision and more money spent.  I have discovered after a consultation with a podiatrist, that my feet and ankles have structural issues which moves up the leg to  my knee, which was what I thought the issue was to begin with…….More appointments, poking, prodding, x-rays and custom orthotics on the list.  And I can’t seem to stay on the clean eating wagon – all I want is junk when the weather gets this way…comfort food.

 

In training, I’m told, if I keep at it, and do all the right things (there are so many, how do I know if I’ve gotten them all?), I’ll be faster.  Harry is talking about speed work.  Speed work?  I’m not doing this for speed.  I just want to finish without being swept.  Keeping goals simple and attainable, isn’t that what we’re taught to feel successful?

 

All of this adds pressure.  Pressure that I don’t need.  Pressure that fuels the blood pressure as I start obsessing and worrying.  Pressure that makes me think I can’t do this and I’ll fail which makes me anxious and depressed.  And isn’t this why I started running in the first place?  To stop all this?

 

So I need to turn it around.

 

Everything negative – pressure, challenges – is all an opportunity for me to rise.

Kobe Bryant

 

Today is the start of week 5.  The start of no missed runs or workout session.  The start of an added day in the gym on my own.  The start of clean eating…one treat day (not cheat day) per week.

 

Yes, it’s an uphill battle.  But I am going to keep going.  I have to tell myself, “just keep stepping, just keep moving, just keep going, just keep swimming…” Well, this is a Disney race, right?

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “Under Pressure

  1. LISTEN Siste, the fact is that you are doing this. LOTS of people wouldn’t even attempt it. You are being too hard on yourself. Yes you should push yourself because really only you can. But how about your goal be finishing NOT worrying about being swept. I guarantee if you concentrate on finishing you won’t get swept. It’s your first marathon so don’t make yourself crazy. There will be ohers and you can set other goals for those. Heck, it’s Disney! It’s going to be magical regardless 🙂
    So get out there and do what you gotta do!!!

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s